TEA TIME PART 1! GOING THROUGH EMOTIONAL DISTRESS, THEN DEPRESSION!

Come one, come all! Big and small! Short and tall! Welcome, welcome, welcome all! To the Diary's 5th Tea Time of all! Helloooooo readers, Junne here with a new post! It's been over a year since the last Tea Time I posted. Why? Well, there really hasn't been any new tea. Calina finally left me alone, the doppelgangers of Ella Mai stopped (it wasn't really a big deal but it really frustrated me), and vice versa. However, there is some tea I would like to discuss that sorta in coupled with the events that transpired and why I became a fan of Ella Mai. If you all are familiar with the first Tea Time (and if you're not, that's okay too), I explained how I met Calina (using her codename Lucinda to hide her identity) through a best friend of a former friend who is now an acquaintance. That acquaintance just so happens to be the person that we are going to discuss today. In fact, you all probably know who this person is considering how I used to talk about her all the time on this Blog....esepcially in the Special Events section. But I'll just tell you guys this: it wasn't the one who I took to the Winter Wonderfest at Navy Pier. 

If you're new to my blog, I'll just give a quick rundown of this person who's codename is going to be...Lucy...mhm....good o'l Lucy. I took her to Fridays, I bought her extravagant gifts, I almost took her to see Beyonce (sounds kinda stupid I know people), I gave her advice, helped her with her homework, the list is endless but basically yeah. And that ultimately led up into me going into emotional distress, and eventually depression as well....temporarily. I decided to split this Tea Time into 2 because I don't want the post to be too long and I want to get a chance to do something special as well. Therefore, in today's Tea Time, we are going to discuss how I became emotional distress, depressed, and how someone I never thought helped me rise from it! Now if you want like the other teas, you can bring your favorite teacup or coffeecup since this tea is running at the minute....like Sonic The Hedgehog! 

October 2018 - November 2018:

It was October of 2018...I believe it was approximately either on or around the 18th to be exact. I was washing dishes and I decided to go on Instagram and I noticed Lucy tried to video chat me. So I messaged her asking if everything was okay and she said yeah she just needed some advice. I asked her how she was doing, she said she was okay and we just did a little chit-chatting afterward. She didn't exactly tell me what happened but I wouldn't have known if she posted a youtube video rambling about how one of her friends got into some conflict with her. But here's the weird thing about it: before she posted that video, I went to see that movie The Hate U Give about either a couple of weeks or month before she posted the video and the girl in the movie had some conflict with one of her friends....and for Lucy to post a video a couple of weeks or month later....was that a sign or something? Then about a week or two later, I tried to message her on IG and when I tried to message her, the vibe seemed off...like very, very....off. When I tried to ask her how she was doing, she left me on read. Then I tried to message her again and she did the same thing (I think I tried to ask her about a Halloween party that they were having at her college). Then I tried to play it off and say "I'll talk to you later", and she liked the message....and left me on read. Normally when I post a picture or something, she'll like the post and comment or just like the post. But on Halloween, I posted a picture of me in my Halloween costume and she didn't like or comment....man it made me feel so bad, that I didn't really enjoy my Halloween after that. See every Halloween (or annually but really depending on my mom's schedule), we go to Dave & Buster's and celebrate. But after that happened, I didn't really have fun that evening. 

In November, things seem to be getting a little better....sort of. Remember earlier when I mentioned the youtube video she made? Yeah, that actually happened in November. She posted her youtube channel on IG and wanted people to promote it and I posted it on here and on my IG story. *scoff*...She saw it and told me thank you. Then about a couple of days later, she wanted to know if the eyeshadow palettes I bought her were fake. I had bought her some Morphe palettes on eBay to save money and I didn't know they were fake until she did some research on it and I felt kinda bad. Then I offered to buy her some and she said she loved me and didn't have to buy her anything (she told me this countless of times but I couldn't resist because I loved her so much) and I said okay. Then the vibe kinda drifted off again. I tried to message her on Messenger and on IG and she didn't respond or anything. She stopped looking at my IG stories...she claims she stopped looking at everyone's IG stories but heck I don't know. Every year, I would send out Thanksgiving and Christmas cards to her and her family and my other friend and I sent her a letter apologizing for anything I did to her....but now that I'm thinking, what did I actually do to her? Buy her gifts, hang out with her and her family, become somewhat of an authoritative figure to her, and give her advice; in other words, treat her nice? She invited me and my mom on Thanksgiving to eat with her and her family and feed the people at this church down the street from them. The day of, she messaged me on Messenger saying that the head lady said we couldn't go, I forgot for what reason but my mom was happy because she couldn't see herself standing up all day long; I couldn't either to be honest. 😭😭 

Later that day, I told her how one of her friends (the one I mentioned she made a youtube video about the conflict, they apparently reconciled) got into conflict with my other friend (the one who I took to the Winter Wonderfest and who I also send holiday cards to) over politics. Then she agreed with what the girl said and Lucy told me the girl she got in conflict with didn't like me; she literally said "She for sure doesn't like you". Personally, I kinda knew the girl didn't like me because of the vibe I got from her and since me and Lucy became close in the past 2 years. But anyway, I played it off like it was nothing and then the convo was alright...at least on her end for now. 

December 2018 - February 2019:

Now December is one of my favorite months of the year and I thought that things were going to be a little better than the previous months....but I was wrong. Why? Back in September on her birthday, my Mom sent me a text while I was at Lucy's house and asked me if I was alright. Lucy took a selfie of us and sent it to my mom. My mom gave us a compliment and I saved the picture because...why not? I thought she wouldn't have taken it if she didn't think she looked that good. I reposted the picture on my Messenger story and she got upset. I apologized and then a couple of days or a week later (I think it was around the 10th), I tried to message her saying if we could settle some of our differences because I noticed since October, things haven't been going that well. Then she said that there wasn't anything going on between us and then I brought up the picture thingy and then she got upset and told me not to talk to her. Man, I think I cried a little when she said that. Then during that weekend, I sent her a message apologizing, and then she just ignored it by asking me advice on any good restaurants downtown since this dude from her college (or was it Tinder?) asked her out. I played it cool and ignored it. Then I sent her a text of how I bought this keychain with her name on it and she was laughing and saying "That's something that a boyfriend would do". I was thinking of buying keychains with my friends' names on there...I reconsider it now. A week later, I thought maybe things are getting better because now she wants to hang out with me again....right..?....Wrong! When I was in the Lyft on my way to her house, she told me she had to cancel plans because something came up. I was already on my way to her house and since I had a close bond with her family, I decided to come in and say hello. So me and her dad converse a bit as well as her mom and they told me she and one of her sisters left to take care of business at the college. When she came back, she went upstairs (I don't know if she saw me or not). One of her siblings told her I was downstairs and when she came downstairs, her mouth was balled up and she crossed her arms at me. Again, like with that happened on Thanksgiving, I played it off. Then she went downstairs and I told her I was leaving....then that's when the smile came on her face. Also, during New Years' Eve, she went live on IG and told me and one of her other friends she was gonna try to spend more time with us this year....so she thought. 

Here comes January....or should I say the turning point like in the movies? She would ask me for money here and there. Why? Well, she wanted for the Fenty Foundation. I thought that was very sweet that she was starting or contributing to a Foundation to help the less fortunate....until Google showed me a link to Sephora and it said Rihanna....what the? So I put two and two together and figured out that she wanted money for some makeup. Ugh, and she also asked me for money so she could buy a sim card from Amazon. On January 27th (fun fact, that's the birthday of the girl who she was still friends with after she literally told me she for sure doesn't like me! 🙃), I tried to send her a text asking what's up and how she was doing. No response. I posted on my IG story and she looked at it and kept posting some IG stories. Tried to send her another one....and another one.....then it said that the text did not go through. I was wondering what's going on? What happened? Is she okay? Then I tried to message her on Messenger, no avail so I tried IG and first it showed she was typing, then she stopped and guess what? SHE BLOCKED ME. Yep, she blocked me. So I dmed one of her sisters on Messenger and explained to her what happened and she tried to talk to her and she said Lucy didn't say anything to her. Omg, I was crying so hard that night and I was calling my dog to come over to me. While I was crying, I felt like...this weird feeling that I never experienced before. It felt like a cold chill was either going in or out of me and maybe sort of like my heart shattering too. 

The next morning, she sent me a message on Messenger telling me not to tell anything that goes on between us....but here's the thing: why the heck would you want me to do that if you ignore my messages? And what else was there to do? So then I told her I tried to message her on IG but she blocked me and then she lied and said she didn't and just unfollowed me (she unblocked me that same day). Then she told me she didn't use google text anymore...what? I asked her why did she do me the way she did me and she said something like "I create conflict that doesn't exist" or something like that...and here comes the fun part! She told me and I quote "I don't want to talk to you for a month+ I do this all the time..simple." Then I gave her a short speech and told her how she hurt my feelings. Before this happened, I thought better of her I really did....until she told me this: "How is that my fault? It isn't soo?". That really broke me...it really did. Then I tried numerous times to apologize to her since I thought it was my fault but in reality, it wasn't...Even though I tried, it still didn't make me feel any better because she would just leave me on read and she basically told me she didn't care about how hurt she made me. 

THEN, either the next day or during the first few days of February (I'm sorry I keep saying a couple of weeks, few days, etc but I'm trying my best to remember but does it really matter at this point?), I get a message from her on Messenger. I was happy....until she wanted some pictures of this dude that I never met or heard of. I asked her about the whole "month+" thing and she didn't want to hear that or isn't talk to me, she said she wanted some pictures of this dude from one of my yearbooks. And I told her "Clearly you are if you're asking for some pictures". Then I asked her what happened to her and why does she only message me when she wants something? That was it, y'all. She really showed her true colors to me during that period and she made me get anxiety and depressed going on IG, Messenger, Facebook, etc.  But here's the thing: I knew we were going to have conflict eventually because of some of the differences we had in each other, but I didn't know it would be this bad. Like back during the summer of 2018, there was some conflict but she apologized. And I'm wondering if she did that because she truly cared about me or if she knew she had a birthday coming up and she wanted to make sure I would give her a present. 

By the way, another reason why it took me a long time to post this is that I was wondering if I should post this or not. But anyway, this has been part 1 of the Tea Time.  I'll try to post part 2 soon, don't worry part 2 is gonna be waay....waaaaaay better than part 1! This has been Tea Time and have a blessed day! Take care!